


stars fading but I linger

by andrea_deer



Category: MASH (TV)
Genre: Angst, Dreams and Nightmares, Episode: s08e22 Dreams, Gen, Nightmares, Other, but for earlier seasons characters, hints of Hawkeye/Trapper if you squint, lots of wounded including dead ones, set in early seasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:02:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23018989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrea_deer/pseuds/andrea_deer
Summary: During a hectic non-stop rush of wounded that is overcrowding the camp, the staff takes brief naps and each have disturbing dreams in which the war is an omnipresent intrusion.OR: MASH discord said, hey, how about episode Dreams but with Trapper, Radar and Frank? And I heard "angst" and "Trapper" and was summoned.
Relationships: "Trapper" John McIntyre & Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	stars fading but I linger

**Author's Note:**

> Great thanks to MASH discord crew without whom this fic would never exist. Especially strong and grateful hugs go to rinscribbles, Angst Queen Abby and glitter for being amazing cheerleaders! :D

„That's ridiculous! We've been operating for ten hours! At night!” Frank whines, already taking off his gloves and making no move to put on the fresh ones even as another soldier is brought into the room. „It is our responsibility to take sufficient breaks to uphold the high standard of our work!”

„Well, if that would actually help...” 

„Colonel!”

„Pierce!” Henry barely shoots a look at Hawkeye who shrugs, unapologetic as always. „Knock it off!”

Henry glances between them and their patients. They all know Frank was the one who had a night shift duty, he should be most prepared for this. At this point, Trapper has been awake for over twenty hours and he doesn't even want to hazard a guess on how much sleep Hawkeye is operating on. Still, they both nod at Henry, more eager to focus on the worst cases without Frank's "help" than worried about the fairness of it all.

„All right, Frank,” Henry allows. „I will take the next patient, take half an hour nap and be back. We're expecting another batch soon.”

***

When Frank wakes it's dark again, but no one besides him returned to the Swamp. It seems they've managed without him after all, he smiles as he gets up. Rested and in the good mood, he hums as he grabs his toiletries and a towel, hoping the shower will be empty at this hour and the water will still keep its warmth after the sunny day. It's almost a waste he doesn't have another night shift, he's not the slightest bit sleepy. Perhaps Margaret will also have an evening off? Maybe they could... meet and chat for a while? He's humming gets slightly louder at the thought.

He turns towards the hospital and suddenly stops in his tracks, falling silent. There are bodies lying in front of the OR. Two rows of them, wrapped tightly in sheets. He can see at least ten of them, but the orderlies are caring even more into the waiting trucks.

„Is that all of them?” O'Reilley calls out, writing something down on the pad he's caring.

„Just two more inside,” Pierce replies getting out of the building, his voice deadpan and uncaring. „Still fresh.”

„Oh. Sorry, sir.”

Pierce barely shrugs, looking tired yet unmoved.

Frank looks around, uncertainly. This is not how it's supposed to go, but... he looks for some clues to figure out what's going on. Is it some sort of a joke? The guys are trying to prank him for sleeping in? He shifts anxiously. Some of those blankets have bloodstains.

„Oh, hi, Frank,” Pierce says as he passes him on his way to the Swamp.

„Pierce! What's going on here?”

The man turns to face Frank, looking confused at the question.

„Why there are so many dead? What happened?”

Pierce shrugs.

„Well, it's a war, Frank.”

„I- It's- Why didn't you wake me?!”

Pierce just stares at him, frowning.

„What good would that do?”

***

„Oy, nap time over!” Trapper yells in Frank's ear, giving a tired grin as the ferret jumps up and stares around in confusion. „A charming soldier wearing shrapnel leg wounds is waiting for you by the table three.”

„Then why didn't you wake me!” Frank yells, already stumping out of the X-ray room.

„I just did!” Trapper shouts after him, shaking his head.

He lays down on the table they've been using to rest so no one would be too tempted to stay away for longer than their allowed nap time. It's even more uncomfortable than a cot and the rolled-up blanket they use as a pillow smells vaguely like Frank but half an hour is not enough time to waste on complaining. It feels like he barely managed to close his eyes before Louise is waking him and dragging him out of the room.

„Help me with this, would you?” She hands him one side of a huge white sheet and he tries to find the corners.

Hawk is still cutting some kid on the table behind Trapper, telling some story to everyone within earshot. Nurses no longer pay any attention to him, focused on their jobs and fearing Margaret. Henry's barely murmuring something once in a while, Trapper can just barely see him over his left shoulder-

Louise throws him another huge sheet to fold as soon as they're done. He's trying to do it faster, but he can hear a patient moaning quietly in pain somewhere near, Hawk is telling some far-fetched tale he doesn't really get, nurses keep bumping into him as they pass behind him. He smiles at Becky peeking at him from under the table, she's crouching carefully not to get her dress dirty on the floor. He gives her a short wave and drops the sheet corners again.

He gives Louise and apologetic look as she sighs quietly. He's just so goddamn tired.

„Oh, while I've had a lovely night shift at the hospital!” replies Lou teasingly. „We sat in comfy armchairs, gossiped and drunk hot cocoa!”

He grins at her and opens his mouth to answer.

„Well, now that sounds like a proper treatment of medical personnel!” Hawkeye says from behind Trapper. Even if he could see him the mask would hide his sleazy grin but Trapper knows well enough it's there. „Tell me, Mrs Mcintyre, are they hiring?”

Trapper smirks. He wants to say something about there no longer being any peace if Hawkeye got hired, or at least how nurses wouldn't get much quiet time with him around, but Louise chooses this moment to throw him another sheet and he stumbles to catch it. They need to fold them fast, they need to be ready soon, but he's being extremely clumsy, his fingers thick and heavy.

„Why Hawk, are you ready to give up the war?” she smiles, looking over Trapper's arm.

He never heard her say this nickname and it sounds so wrong. It's not even _Hawkeye_ , it's _Hawk_. And it's like two worlds colliding, two separate parts of his life that should never co-exist. Like the first time their parents met and Trapper's mum sat so carefully on Robertson's new sofa. Like meeting Mr Humes, his elementary school teacher in _that kind_ of a bar. Like when Kathy was soaking up new words like a sponge and Louise thought it would be funny to teach her to say _„Anomalous Coronary Artery”_ and she kept repeating it to everyone, weirding out the neighbours.

____„Well, not for just any offer!" Hawk finally says after what was becoming an awkward pause. "But you've started your negotiations pretty high!”_ _ _ _

____Their hands barely brush as they fold the sheet. It's less than a second before Louise throws him his end of yet another one._ _ _ _

____„Unless your husband can make me a better offer, I'm in!”_ _ _ _

____Louise shakes her head while Trapper struggles to help her with the sheet despite all the talking and giggling, and moaning around them. If there's one thing he didn't miss about home it's laundry. Always so much of it, still slightly wet and smelling so strongly in the tiny room as Louise talked with him about everything, using the rarely allowed freedom from the girls since Becky was for some reason utterly terrified of the whole process._ _ _ _

____„You missed your cue, John,” Louise says, her voice serious and he wants to swear._ _ _ _

____He's just trying, dammit. It's not his fault they keep bantering on before he can get his two cents in._ _ _ _

____„You should pay more attention, Trap,” Hawk says, his tone suddenly grave. „I gave you plenty of cues!”_ _ _ _

____Trapper suddenly notices the pitiful, painful moans stopped and he realizes there's a body on a table next to them. It's his fault the man is dead and he can't look away from the still gaze locked on him accusingly._ _ _ _

____He finally has the grip on the right corners and they move the sheet over the bloodied corpse. His hands are trembling as he covers the man's face._ _ _ _

____***  
He wakes up suddenly, making Radar jump._ _ _ _

____„Jeez, sir, I was just about to wake you. They need you back in.”_ _ _ _

____„Yeah, yeah. I'm going.”_ _ _ _

____He makes sure to stand facing Hawkeye in the operating room and doesn't look at the face of the guy they bring in. He's bleeding fast enough there's no time to get personal._ _ _ _

____„Do I get a nap too?” whines Hawkeye, cracking his neck and moving his shoulders, his back bothering him again._ _ _ _

____„These are the last ones, Pierce. Power through and you can sleep till morning,” Henry paused. „Evening, I suppose.”_ _ _ _

____„Oooh, joy.”_ _ _ _

____„If you're lucky enough you will sleep through dinner!” Trap offers and grins behind his mask._ _ _ _

____***_ _ _ _

____The wounded are all seen to, last of them already moved to the Post-Op. The piles of files grow on Radar's desk, seemingly multiplying whenever he looks away. The chaos after the storm._ _ _ _

____„Sparky? Yeah, I know, we've just had a night full of wounded! Listen, it's important! Do you guys have any zaxentamine?”_ _ _ _

____„What? That new hypertension drug? Radar, no one has it. Even black market is desperate for it.”_ _ _ _

____„Listen, it's important! It's for my mum, okay?”_ _ _ _

____„You're buying medicine for your mum? Radar, this is a war! You need to act like it and-” Sparky's note dismissive and utterly familiar to Radar, but it's easier to be demanding on the phone._ _ _ _

____Radar yelled at majors and hanged up on generals with less motivation._ _ _ _

____„Shut up! She needs it, okay? It will make her better! I can get anything in Korea, so I can get some zaxentamine! Jeez! Now, if you're gonna be a pest about this just put me through to 8063rd!”_ _ _ _

____For a moment there's only static and silence, noises from compound start filtering through. The day is on its way to start properly and soon people will want things from Radar, there are new requisition forms to fill, reports on last night's patients, letters to sent to the families of those who didn't make it. Radar needs to file and store their belongings, forward the news to their units, organize tracks for tomorrow for those who will go further to Seoul and Tokyo. Trapper will want a weekend pass, Nurse Rachel will come in to ask if there are any news about her fiance, the post should come in today, so he will need to give it out as well... But he still has maybe half an hour just for himself and he's going to use it well._ _ _ _

____He connects with, Ron Lyke, the sergeant in the 8063rd but they didn't even hear of zaxentamine. Radar goes through every other MASH in South Korea. He can already hear people walking closer to his office. Colonel Blake called him from the outside, while walking to the mess tent. He will be back soon and Radar needs to be done by then. But every call so far is a dead end. His hands shake as he keeps dialing._ _ _ _

____„Sergeant Deats, 8228th MASH.”_ _ _ _

____„Jimmy? It's Radar. Listen, do you have any zaxentamine? We can exchange, we have some real good stuff from the last supply mishap, let me tell you!”_ _ _ _

____He tries to smile, he knows how to do those deals, but he's hardly arguing over some stupid supplies for soldiers he will never see again._ _ _ _

____„No way, Radar. It never got to us, I hear it stopped with General Coogan. No one even saw this stuff!”_ _ _ _

____„All right, I will call him then!”_ _ _ _

____Jimmy laughs at him and starts to protest but Radar is already ending the call to start a new one. He impersonates Colonel Blake and when that fails – Major Houlihan._ _ _ _

____„You do not sound like Major Houlihan.”_ _ _ _

____„I have a sore throat!.” He protests quickly. „Connect me with the general or the first thing we will discuss when I see him will be your dishonourable discharge!”_ _ _ _

____It's another terrifying moment of static before the call goes through._ _ _ _

____„Margaret," the general croons and he sounds weirdly enough a lot like Major Burns which doesn't fill Radar with much hope. "How can I help you?”_ _ _ _

____„Umm, I need zaxentamine, sir,” he says desperately. „Please?”_ _ _ _

____Colonel Blake calls him again and his steps sound a lot closer to the office now._ _ _ _

____„Zaxentamine? Now, Margaret, I didn't know you had any troubles with blood pressure. You shouldn't be-”_ _ _ _

____„No, no, no! It's for my mum. She needs it!” he says pleadingly, the door to the office opening slowly. He already knows he will be busted before he can actually accomplish anything._ _ _ _

____He's shaking with anger and frustration, he can feel tears slowly running down his cheeks. It's just one stupid drug! She needs it! She needs to be all right!_ _ _ _

____„Corporal!”_ _ _ _

____Radar jumps at Major Burns' shout and almost falls from the chair. He blinks his eyes. He's not on the phone and he's not crying, even if he's still breathing fast, trying to catch up with the horrible feeling squeezing his heart._ _ _ _

____„You were asleep on your desk! This is unacceptable, Corporal! As a clerk, you often represent this outfit and you hardly make a good job of it, drooling on the daily reports!”_ _ _ _

____Radar nods, barely hearing him, the pulse in his ears still drumming loudly._ _ _ _

____„Yes, sir.”_ _ _ _

____Major Burns nods, moving away to the Post Op._ _ _ _

____„Major Burns?”_ _ _ _

____„What is it?”_ _ _ _

____„Is there such a drug like zaxentamine?” He pronounces the name with difficulty, the syllables that he kept repeating as a prayer so recently already foreign on his tongue._ _ _ _

____„What? No, of course not. Don't be ridiculous. And don't order any of that!”_ _ _ _

____Radar just nods, breathing out carefully. All a dream, then._ _ _ _


End file.
